HIS Perfect timing

We are now 21 days into our wait....really, only 21 days? Feels SO much longer! I have been struggling a lot lately with our time of waiting. This season of life feels so much different to me compared to all of the other legs of our journey. I was warned this would happen, I was warned that after your home study is completed and life book turned in...that the wait to be matched is the most challenging part. (With the exception of the wait after your child is born and the birthparents sign the termination papers.) While undergoing infertility treatments there is always a short countdown to the next step whether it is going into the office for daily ultrasounds, taking oral meds on certain days, having bloodwork drawn on certain days, giving injections on certain days, taking your temperature, counting ovulation days, recording symptoms, and the list goes on. Generally the last two weeks of each cycle was our longest wait to find out if the treatment was successful, and then the pregnancy tests begin...I had a very unhealthy obsession with pregnancy tests! Lets just say we could have probably paid for our entire adoption with the amount of money I have wasted on pregnancy tests alone! (Don't tell Ryan that!) But with each unsuccessful month, began the cycle of counting and treatments all over again. Then some months my cysts surrounding my ovaries would warrant a break from treatments....those months took forever! With adoption the process has been completely different. The first few months were filled with prayer, adrenaline and excitement as we raced to fill out all of the TONS of forms, questions, meetings, seminar, interviews, safety inspection, fingerprinting, background checks, questions, and more questions, and then the incredibly tedious task of creating the perfect life book of our family, letter to our future birthmother and 21 days ago....we were DONE. Now what? I am longing for our next step.
Our next step is to "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10 It is to remain faithful and trusting and "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs 16:3. It is amazing to watch God at work in my heart during this time of waiting. I truly feel I was called to adoption, I know in my heart that our journey through infertility has made that calling louder and opened doors for us to grow our family the way God has called us to. I feel so blessed to be on this journey. But I have struggled in the area of giving over all control to Him. I have struggled knowing that there is nothing tangible left for me to work on. He has already hand picked the child that will join our family. He knows our perfect plan. I know that I "Trust in the Lord with all of your (my) heart and lean not on your (my) own understanding; in all your (my) ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6 The unknown is scary, but God's love has the power to redeem and restore us into confident hope. His Truth cuts to the core of our struggles, bringing purpose to our pain, redemption from our past and hope for our future!
I pray day and night for our sweet birthmother, I pray for her struggle, I pray for her strength and I pray for God to lead us to her. (Soon!) We have cautiously began to prepare for our baby's arrival. In the corner of our bedroom, I stare at the sweet cradle that has been passed through our family and rocked many sweet babies to sleep. Sometimes it brings me hope and in moments of weakness it makes me feel hopeless.


I thank God each day for Charlie, and I do not take a second for granted. He is our miracle and he brings so much joy and laughter to our lives. Our days are filled with picnics at the park, coloring, shaving cream fun, legos, story time at the library, riding bikes with friends, and soccer. He will be such a great big brother and he ends his prayers each night with "God please bring me a sister soon!" I gently remind him that God will decide, and we might get a sister or a brother....but I dont know if you have ever tried to explain something to a four year old...he thinks he knows it all! Regardless, we will all be so thrilled with our new addition.
This post was written more for me than for anyone, blogging can be therapeutic! I had a moment of weakness tonight (it happens...more frequently than I would like to admit!). All of the sudden this evening, my phone went dead. Not just ran out of battery dead...it would not turn on, even when I plugged it into my charger...DEAD. I panicked! Silly, I know. Ryan told me just to go to the Apple store in the morning (he is the more stable, practical, rock of the family!). I said...but... what if someone tries to contact us??? He looked at me with those eyes, the eyes that say...I love you, but you are crazy-eyes. I continued in my ridiculousness....what if our birthmom tries to contact us? What if she goes into labor? What if we need to get to the hospital? He then gave me the 'you are nuts-eyes' and we both started laughing. He said that he doubted that would happen, and reminded me that we havent even been matched yet! I know...I know...but still. This adoption process is a roller coaster- filled with uncertainty of when, where, how long we will have to prepare. I took a deep breath, and gathered my sanity, and in the meantime was able to fix my phone!
I reminded myself that it's a good thing God is in control. He knows our perfect plan and our baby will come with HIS perfect timing.
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Home Study Approved!

I am thrilled to announce we are finally Home Study APPROVED! I really did not think we would ever get through all of that paperwork, and I thought we would never finish jumping the hurdles to finish up our interviews! But the time has come, I have been working diligently on chasing after everything asked of us, doctor's appointments, tax returns, financial budgets, birth certificates, shot records, employer statements, letters from the insurance company, and the list goes on and on and on. But it was worth it! And our sweet child that is waiting for us is worth it!
Going through this process has brought so much peace and perspective, and certainty that Ryan and I are following the right path. God has a plan far greater than we can see for our family to become complete and we are so lucky to be on this journey.
More than anything, I have felt so strongly to start praying for our birthmother. I find myself praying at random times throughout the day and lying in bed at night praying for her before I go to sleep. I pray for her strength and her courage and I pray for peace in her heart as she makes this incredibly selfless decision for her gift of life. Is it weird that I love her and I am SO grateful to her, and I haven't even met her yet?
So now...we wait. We wait for the phone call or letter or email letting us know we have been matched. I am not that good at waiting! And I feel like I have been waiting for this sweet baby for SO long! But I fully believe God's perfect timing will prevail and when it does happen, I will have long forgotten about this painfully long journey.
Our life book has been turned into our agency for prospective birthfamilies to start viewing. What a difficult task to create a book that sums up our life and our thoughts...a book that will ultimately be the deciding factor to connect us with our child. I pray that our birthmom wherever she may be, will see our hearts poured out on the pages, that she will be able to see the committment we have to family, and will be able to know instantly how much love we have to give.

Below I have posted just small portion of our life book, I have not included any pages with our relatives and friends, for the sake of protecting their privacy. But I did want to post a few pages, just in case somewhere out there our birth mother finds our blog and feels a connection.

Love to all and thank you so much for all of the support and love we have received. I long for the day to share the good news with everyone of Charlie's sweet sibling!

Become a Piece of our Puzzle

I have been researching fundraisers to help offset some of our adoption costs. It feels so foreign to me reaching out for help, but unfortunately, we need help, and our child is worth it! God has put such a strong desire and calling in our heart for adoption, I know we are on His path, and growing our family His way. I was given this awesome fundraiser idea from other adoptive parents.

As many of you know, in the adoption world, it truly takes a village to bring a child home. Financially, emotionally, and spiritually...and we are so blessed and appreciative for all of our support. That is why the puzzle piece fundraiser seemed so ‘fitting’! So many names. So many pieces. All coming together for one goal. One purpose. One Child.


Adoption is a bit like a puzzle....sometimes complicated, lengthy, time consuming, challenging...but, oh so worth it & so rewarding when completed!!!
Would you please consider becoming a piece of our puzzle?

Here are the details for our Puzzle Piece Fundraiser:
• We have created and are having made a very special custom puzzle (pictured below).
• We are asking people to sponsor/adopt a piece of the puzzle...$10.00 per piece.
• Once you have sponsored one (or as many pieces as you would like!)...your name(s) will be put on the back of the puzzle piece.
• Once our puzzle is completed, we will frame the puzzle in double sided glass, and it will hang in the nursery and serve as a constant reminder of all of those who contributed to our journey to bring our precious baby home!
Not only are we raising funds to help us offset the major costs of adoption, but this fundraiser will also result in an incredibly special, tangible keepsake for our child to enjoy for a lifetime. For years to come we will be able to show our sweet child how loved they were before they were even here and how each person was a special piece of their puzzle!
We are so grateful for how God has already provided for us, and are excited to see Him working to bring in the needed funds to bring our baby home! We would like to thank everyone from the bottom of our hearts for your contribution to help make our dreams a reality.

To ‘purchase’ a puzzle piece you can click on the donate button located on the top, left side of our blog, or if you wish to mail a check, please email me for details: ashleyfarrell1213@hotmail.com

I will update the blog frequently with pictures of our puzzle progress!

Our puzzle is pictured below, it includes one of our favorite verses that has brought us comfort through this entire process.

Familiar Feelings

Since we began our adoption journey, I have started following several blogs written by other adoptive parents. It is so inspiring and comforting reading advice, stories, and thoughts from other families that are experiencing the same emotions and situations we are. I have to tell you…it is much more fun reading adoption blogs rather than reading ‘Infertility Forums’ (which I spent years reading)!
Recently, a dear friend of mine recommended a blog to me about a family that I can REALLY relate to…..The husband’s name is Ryan, and they have a precious little boy of their own, and they are currently in the process of adoption! The woman is clearly an amazing, loving, faithful, and God-fearing wife and mother, and her blog has become an inspiration to me.
One of her posts, like so many others, struck a very familiar nerve. It was titled: Expecting. As I read it, my eyes filled with tears, her words were my thoughts completely. She talked about how she is living in a season of life where many of her friends and family are either new moms or expecting. She loves to walk along side of them, rejoice with them and thoroughly enjoys watching their excitement grow (as well as their belly!) Then she discusses the feelings we have as parents waiting to adopt, I have included below my favorite lines from her post:

Well, here we are, expecting again! Only this time, it's different. The gestation period will most likely be closer to that of a zebra. I won't feel him or her kicking in my womb, but I can pray for the woman who is feeling him or her kicking in hers. She may even be feeling him or her as I type! While God is knitting him or her together in another's womb, he or she is being knit in our hearts with love. Oh, how can I love someone so much whom I don't know!?... or who may not even be conceived yet? I can tell you it's possible! Though my belly may not be growing, our love for him or her and excitement certainly is.

One Step Closer

Last night, Ryan and I went to the adoption agency for our intake interview with our social worker. We LOVE him! He is so nice, caring, warm, supportive and we feel so blessed that he will be with us every step of this process. Our interview lasted a little over an hour and we were officially accepted by the agency to move forward!
Now we start the home study...4-6 weeks of loads more paperwork!!! Four more interviews, home inspections, etc. We have been warned that it is intense, invasive, and a process. We are up to the challenge!

Two Popular Questions

I have been overwhelmed with all of the positive support we have received since announcing our plans to adopt. I know that adoption is not for everyone, and I had prepared for some resistance to it. I was pleasantly surprised that I have only received a few negative comments, and the rest have been incredibly positive and supportive! I think some people have fear and questions, which in turn comes across negative. I have been asked over and over the same questions, the two main questions have been 1)‘how long will it take?’ and 2)‘what’s next?’ and I will do my best to answer those questions!
1. How Long? Only God knows how long it will take! Even though there is an urgency to complete every step as quickly as possible, God already has a master plan and our child chosen for us. I keep trying to remind myself of that! But the official answer is it can take anywhere from 3 months to 3 years….12-18 months being the average wait time. It is important to mention that our agency does not pick the adoptive parents, there is not a wait list and we do not move up in order. Birthmothers or birthparents pick adoptive parents. That is why the wait time is such an unknown.
2. What’s Next? Each adoption agency is different. I have talked to several people who feel that choosing the right adoption agency is the most important decision. I researched many different agencies throughout Texas and I have come to the conclusion that we have a pretty incredible agency right here in College Station. In fact, that conclusion was confirmed when we attended our education seminar with nine other couples who had traveled from Dallas, New Braunfels, Houston and other parts of the state to use our agency. Pretty amazing!
This is the typical process of adoption that we will go through with our agency:
• Initial Call For Information, Attend Information Meeting, and Return Fact Sheet
• Register and Attend the 2-day Pre-Application Adoption Seminar
• Complete and return the Adoption Application (20+ pages!)
• Complete 2-hour intake interview with Social Worker
• Receive notification of admission decision, if accepted move forward
• Complete Home Study process, submission of documents, safety inspections, interviews (usually takes 4-6 weeks), then a formal notification of acceptance from the agency
• Submit our completed Life Book (3 page letter to birthmother, scrapbook of our life, pictures, home, several other informational forms included)
• Attend Support Group Meetings
• WAIT…prayerfully and patiently to be chosen!
• Meet birthmother or birthparents and begin relationship
• Notified of birth, follow hospital plan set by birthmom
• After the TPR (terminate parental rights) is signed, we bring our baby home
• Provide monthly written reports to the agency, attend support group meetings, and receive supervisory home visits from the agency
• Arrange court date with attorney for finalization at 6 months!

Of course there are circumstantial differences with each adoption, and anything can happen along the way including the extreme likelihood that the birthmom will change her mind. What most people do not know, and lifetime movies don’t help…is that after the TPR is signed (usually after 48 hours after birth) the birthparents cannot change their minds. Those first initial days is the crucial waiting period. Again, there are different circumstances that change that but we would be here all day if I described each case. The bottom line is we need to be prepared for the birth mother to change her mind, and be actually be surprised if the adoption plan is followed through. It is a risky and emotional process, but God’s plan. We are in no way experts on adoption, and we know it will be a LONG journey, but Ryan and I are confident we are following our chosen path. We have only completed the first three steps and we are waiting for our intake interview. I have had so many incredible resources popping out of the wood work since our announcement. I have had the pleasure of meeting five different couples who have walked this path before, all with different stories and circumstances to share. It is amazing to me how each adoption is unique. I would be lying if I said that I don’t feel periods of anxiousness, or worry…but those feelings are shortly followed with thankfulness and peace. I can’t wait to share our next step.

It's been a while...BIG NEWS!

I know, I admit it...I have completely abandoned my blog. I am sure all 3 of my readers are devastated! Haha!! This past year has been both incredible and difficult. God has blessed our family in so many ways, we have grown, and we have had many triumphs and struggles too. I will try to give a quick re-cap of the past eight months in a nutshell.
Charlie is another year older and continues to make us laugh on a daily basis. He is the joy of our life, growing like a weed, smart as a whip, and is still a mama's boy! Ryan continues to be a wonderful husband, Daddy, and provider for our family. We have not only grown physically, but spiritually too. We have had some incredible relationships form in the past months that have been life changing for us, we met our pastor's and joined our church. Along with that, we have formed new friendships and become involved. It truly is amazing what changes we have made and been through in only a year.
Something I have never openly written about or discussed on my blog is our struggle with infertility. It is just one of those things that I felt was private...and truthfully I just always thought of blogging as an outlet to post pictures, tell HAPPY stories, something that i wouldn't mind strangers reading.But in order for me to fill you in on the next chapter of our life...I have to go back a few pages...
So to make an incredibly long story short, God has put a deep desire in our hearts for more children. We have been actively trying to give Charlie a sibling for the past few years. I have been to a couple of doctors, had a miscarriage, taken 12 cycles of oral meds,one cycle of injectable meds, undergone five different procedures, had about a gazillion ultrasounds, probably donated 5 gallons of blood work, and we have come to the conclusion that God is leading us down a different path. We have cried and prayed together and we feel confident about our next step.
We are thrilled, nervous, excited, scared and proud to announce....we are ADOPTING!
Adoption has always weighed heavy on my heart. Even before I met Ryan, I have always felt a calling to adopt someday. It just seemed like an unreachable dream. Too difficult...too much money...would my husband be open to it? With each difficult procedure or failed cycle of trying, that calling seemed louder...but still out of reach. But I know that God has a plan. I know that our fertility journey was all a part of his plan. It has brought us closer together, closer to HIM, and revealed to us that we were meant to adopt our next child. It has been painful and difficult, and it might sound strange, but I feel blessed we have been chosen to follow this path. Charlie is excited and anxious to be a big brother, and he prays every night for God to bring us his baby!
I decided to start blogging again so that we could document our adoption journey. It will be a good place for friends and family to see what stage we are going through, and provide information without repeating myself over and over! It will also be therapeutic for me to journal my thoughts and fears and excitement.
I want to thank all of our friends and family who have been incredibly supportive these past few years, and who have been by our side through this roller coaster. I feel certain it will all be worth it!

More info and pics to come!