Two Popular Questions

I have been overwhelmed with all of the positive support we have received since announcing our plans to adopt. I know that adoption is not for everyone, and I had prepared for some resistance to it. I was pleasantly surprised that I have only received a few negative comments, and the rest have been incredibly positive and supportive! I think some people have fear and questions, which in turn comes across negative. I have been asked over and over the same questions, the two main questions have been 1)‘how long will it take?’ and 2)‘what’s next?’ and I will do my best to answer those questions!
1. How Long? Only God knows how long it will take! Even though there is an urgency to complete every step as quickly as possible, God already has a master plan and our child chosen for us. I keep trying to remind myself of that! But the official answer is it can take anywhere from 3 months to 3 years….12-18 months being the average wait time. It is important to mention that our agency does not pick the adoptive parents, there is not a wait list and we do not move up in order. Birthmothers or birthparents pick adoptive parents. That is why the wait time is such an unknown.
2. What’s Next? Each adoption agency is different. I have talked to several people who feel that choosing the right adoption agency is the most important decision. I researched many different agencies throughout Texas and I have come to the conclusion that we have a pretty incredible agency right here in College Station. In fact, that conclusion was confirmed when we attended our education seminar with nine other couples who had traveled from Dallas, New Braunfels, Houston and other parts of the state to use our agency. Pretty amazing!
This is the typical process of adoption that we will go through with our agency:
• Initial Call For Information, Attend Information Meeting, and Return Fact Sheet
• Register and Attend the 2-day Pre-Application Adoption Seminar
• Complete and return the Adoption Application (20+ pages!)
• Complete 2-hour intake interview with Social Worker
• Receive notification of admission decision, if accepted move forward
• Complete Home Study process, submission of documents, safety inspections, interviews (usually takes 4-6 weeks), then a formal notification of acceptance from the agency
• Submit our completed Life Book (3 page letter to birthmother, scrapbook of our life, pictures, home, several other informational forms included)
• Attend Support Group Meetings
• WAIT…prayerfully and patiently to be chosen!
• Meet birthmother or birthparents and begin relationship
• Notified of birth, follow hospital plan set by birthmom
• After the TPR (terminate parental rights) is signed, we bring our baby home
• Provide monthly written reports to the agency, attend support group meetings, and receive supervisory home visits from the agency
• Arrange court date with attorney for finalization at 6 months!

Of course there are circumstantial differences with each adoption, and anything can happen along the way including the extreme likelihood that the birthmom will change her mind. What most people do not know, and lifetime movies don’t help…is that after the TPR is signed (usually after 48 hours after birth) the birthparents cannot change their minds. Those first initial days is the crucial waiting period. Again, there are different circumstances that change that but we would be here all day if I described each case. The bottom line is we need to be prepared for the birth mother to change her mind, and be actually be surprised if the adoption plan is followed through. It is a risky and emotional process, but God’s plan. We are in no way experts on adoption, and we know it will be a LONG journey, but Ryan and I are confident we are following our chosen path. We have only completed the first three steps and we are waiting for our intake interview. I have had so many incredible resources popping out of the wood work since our announcement. I have had the pleasure of meeting five different couples who have walked this path before, all with different stories and circumstances to share. It is amazing to me how each adoption is unique. I would be lying if I said that I don’t feel periods of anxiousness, or worry…but those feelings are shortly followed with thankfulness and peace. I can’t wait to share our next step.