Our Miracle

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.

Proverbs 13:12

It has taken me almost a month to post about this...I just am at a loss for words! It is hard for me to put into words the joy, and happiness our family has experienced over the last few weeks. It is with a thankful heart that is bursting with joy that I can finally announce - we are a family of FOUR! On December 5th I recieved a phone call from our social worker around 12:30 in the afternoon. He asked if I was ready for an early Christmas present??? My heart almost beat out of my chest as he told me to call Ryan and meet him at the hospital as soon as possible. A little boy had been born two days earlier and his birth parents were considering an adoption. They had not signed the termination papers, so this was an "at risk" placement. Ryan and I met this sweet little angel, and it was most definitely love at first sight! That is when the fun began....we had 45 minutes to race to Target to buy a carseat, blankets, clothes, diapers, wipes, formula...everything! Thankfully we had amazing family and friends who quickly came to our rescue and brought all of the nessecities to help us through that first night! We had nothing...partly because we were not prepared at all for a placement that quickly and also because I didnt want to stare at baby things for months and months before we were matched, it was too painful. We brought our sweet little boy home around 5:30 that Monday evening! Talk about a whirlwind!
The next day, we went back to the agency to meet the birthparents and hopefully to get the TPR signed so that we could breathe! Their story is another post in itself...but the short version is that this was not a typical adoption placement at all. They are married, and have five children at home, they are incredibly poor, no phone, no car, and no means to care for another child. My heart absolutely ached for them. Despite their choices, I truly believe they are good people and they LOVE their children. It was heart wrenching watching them make the hardest, most selfless decision of their life. Ryan and I both loved them, and we pray for them daily. After a few hours, we left with the baby (still no TPR signed) and finally received a call that they both signed the termination papers late that afternoon. It was definitely mixed emotions of joy for us and agony for them. (More on them later)
He was ours!!!
Chandler Henry Farrell has been an absolute blessing and a gift from GOD! We love him so much and he is such a perfect fit for our family. God's plan is breathtaking.








The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.

Psalm 126:3

EXPECTING Again!

I am sharing this from one of my favorite blogs (Share Adoption with Mama J) ...these are my thoughts EXACTLY.

I know, it's crazy isn't it? I can't believe it myself I was not going to put it on here but wanted to make it official............ I mean who would have guessed that I'm expecting!!................... yup it's official.................. we are expecting Christmas in just over 6 weeks!!!! Re-post if you have any sense of humor!

I don't know about you all, but I have a witty sense of humor! With that being said, I do not find the above post to be funny. Even though I didn't give birth to my daughter, I feel that my husband and I "beat infertility!" I have no desire to get pregnant because I'm at complete peace with what my body can't do because my God can and did better than my body. With this being said, it doesn't mean that the post above never upset me. I will never forget when my friend's teenage sister posted the above status and the way it made my heart feel for the quick second that I thought she was expecting another baby.

Give or take a few...it is estimated that one in six couples are affected by some degree of infertility. If I did my math correct, if you have around 200 friends, you have 33 friends who suffer from some degree of infertility. So the next time you think you are being funny or posting a harmless joke, please stop and think about the friends you might be hurting. The friends who are longing to become parents who have a hard enough time with pregnancy announcements (add the Holiday season to the pain of wanting a child) don't need to be "punched in the gut" with jokes about EXPECTING!

The next time you see the above status, instead of re-posting it, please share a link to my blog post instead! You never know whose heart(s) you will be sparing this holiday season.

Different Trips to the Same Place

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You’ve heard it’s a wonderful place. You’ve read many guidebooks and feel certain you’re ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you’ll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait-and wait- and wait.

Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, “Relax. You’ll get on a flight soon.” Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, “It’s not fair”.

After a long time the ticket agent tells you, “I’m sorry, we’re not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat.”

“By Boat!” you say, “Going by boat will take a very long time and costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane.” So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.

It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three times, marveling about each trip.

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite that you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, “Oh be glad you didn’t fly. My flight was horrible, traveling by sea is so easy.”

You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.

-Author Unknown


I have come across this story on several adoption sites and blogs that I read. It is SUCH a perfect metaphor for this journey we are on. Currently, we are waiting at the airport, getting ready to head to the port to take a boat. And, I can assure you, we are not getting pampered. Sometimes the waiting results in more decision making...which boat do we take? One offers a quicker start to the trip, but the other offers a little more peace of mind and a little cheaper price for the fare. We are stuck. And I hate being stuck. But I also know that our God is in control, He has our trip planned. There is something about having a plan that helps me be at peace with whatever I am facing. This trip, adoption, has many bumps along the way. No one rubs your belly, tells you that you are glowing, asks how you're doing in your paper pregnancy, sends you expectant parent cards, or dreams about your little one with you. For the time you are waiting indefinitely, you may be alone, depending on who you choose to share your journey with. I think this lack of support can also make the boat ride a little less appealing than the plane ride. No one likes to be lonely at sea! But, I do believe we will get to Australia. I do think I will look back at our bumpy, LONG trip on the sea and be so grateful for all it brought us. Holding that in mind, and with our strong faith in His plan, I may be able to survive the ride without jumping overboard out of frustration, anger and sadness! For now, I guess I will continue to watch others fly back and forth to Australia over and over again, and hope and pray that our day to board the boat and finally set foot in Australia will come...and soon! I know the beauty will be literally breathtaking.

Farrell Family Guidelines

I am so blessed to have one of those friends that radiates everything I strive to be. She is an incredible God-fearing mother, wife, daughter and friend, and I truly love being around her. God placed her in my life for a reason, and I am forever grateful for our friendship. She sent me an email today about making family guidelines. This is something the Duggar's practice in their home...and while I have mixed feelings about the fact that they are expecting #20...they are a beautiful family, with wonderful morals and values, and they clearly live for the Lord.
I loved this idea, so much that I wanted to post our family guidelines here, to make me more accountable! Thank you my sweet friend, you always add J.O.Y. and encouragement to my life!

1. Always use soft words, even when you don’t feel well. 


2. Always display kind actions and joyful attitudes, even if you have been mistreated. Have the right response by quickly forgiving others in your heart even before they ask.


3. Always be enthusiastic and look for opportunities to praise others' character.


4. Always deflect praise and be grateful to God and others for the ways they have benefited your life.


5. Always use manners and be respectful of others and their belongings.


6. Always do what is right, even when others may not, or when no one is looking.


7.Thank God for how He made you, for what He has given you and everything He allows you to go through (Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose)

8. Don’t mock or put others down. Develop compassion and pray for others.


9. Never argue, complain, or blame. Quickly admit when you have done wrong and ask for forgiveness (even if you were only 10% at fault). Don't wait till you’re caught. Be sure your sins will find you out. He who covers his sin will not prosper, but he that confesses and forsakes it shall find mercy.


10. Have a tough accountability/prayer partner to daily share your heart with and to keep you in line. The power of sin is in secrecy. 


11. Be attentive and look for ways to serve others with sincere motives and no thought of self-gain.


12. Think pure thoughts (Philippians 4:8 Whatever is true, right, noble, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy, think about such things Romans 13:14 Clothe yourself with the Lord JC, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of sinful nature).

13. Always give a good report of others. Don't gossip! (Use Matthew 18.)


14. Never raise a hand to hit.


15. Never raise a foot to kick.


16. Never raise an object to throw.


17. Never raise a voice to yell.


18. Never raise an eye to scowl.


19. Use one toy/activity at a time. Share! 


20. Do your best to keep your surroundings neat, clean and organized.


21. Never let the sun go down on your wrath. 
(Don’t go to bed angry or guilty)


22. Amendment J.O.Y. Put Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last.

Courageous

I have decided I really need an uplifting post! I spoke to one of my sweet followers this weekend and she said that she had to get up and close her office door at work because she was sobbing through my last post. Bless her heart! She is pregnant...but still, I dont want to make people feel that way! This process has been an emotional roller coaster, but one thing is for sure, it will be worth it. Going through infertility, and adoption and the lengthy process to bring another sweet addition to our family seems to bring some pretty interesting responses from some people. I have been asked and questioned about using this agency or that agency, IVF, surrogacy, and the list goes on and on. I worry if we are working with the right agency or if we should be using someone else, or if we need to be contracted with more than one agency, or if I should be trying to find my birthmother on my own. Sometimes I feel like I am googling my sweet baby to death! That is when I stop, take a deep breath and remind myself that I am not in control. God knows our plans and he has already orchestrated this sweet child to find our family. It WILL happen.
I am feeling very content this week, I am working through our last failed placement, and I feel certain we are on the right path. God has put a strong calling in my heart to fulfill His plans through adoption, and even when I am questioned, I feel confident that His guidance is leading us to grow our family in this special way.
Last night Ryan and I went to the movies with about 30 members of our church family. We saw the movie, Courageous. It was about four police officers following their calling to serve and protect, and through an unexpected tragedy, they band together to become closer to God and their children. It was an incredible movie! Everyone should see it! Just remember to bring a BOX of tissue....seriously, it is a tearjerker! Protecting the streets was second nature to these men. Raising their children in a God-honoring way? That's courageous. Ryan said it was one of the best movies that he has ever seen. At that moment, I felt so thankful to be married to my courageous man. At that moment, I felt motivated to be courageous with my journey. Heartbreak is part of the package, but the end result is worth it. I am ready to keep fighting for our family.
As we walked out of the theater, with my make-up smudged all over my face from crying, we ran into our social worker and his wife leaving the movie too, they gave us a big hug, and at that moment I knew that we were working with the right agency, following God's will with his courageous people.
“Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous.” 1 Corinthians 16:12

Heartbroken

It has taken me a few days to decide if I was going to even blog about this. I have decided to sit down at the computer and let the words flow...and then I will decide if I should delete it. On Sept. 21, my last post, I discussed our time of waiting and anxiousness for God's Perfect Timing. The very next day, on Sept. 22, we received a phone call that still has me in a state of shock.
Let me back up to earlier that evening... Charlie had a soccer clinic with the Lady Aggie soccer team on campus from 6:30-7:30. I sat in the bleachers and Ryan walked down on the field as they ran around and practiced drills with the kids. I watched and took pictures and then sat down and started glancing through Facebook on my phone. A status post from our agency quickly made my stomach drop. It said '2 babies will be finding their adoptive families this week!...' My mind started racing, wondering if these babies had already been matched with adoptive families? I couldn't shake the nervous feeling. When we got into the truck after the soccer clinic, I showed Ryan the post and he said....calm down Ashley, I am sure they have already been matched. Once we got home we bathed Charlie and got him to bed. But my mind never stopped thinking about the post I had read earlier. A few minutes later around 9 o clock, Ryan's phone rang. He stood in the kitchen and I heard the words..."Hello Don.." nervously come out of his mouth. Don is our social worker, my body went numb. Ryan told him that we would walk outside and put him on speaker phone. Tears were streaming down my face,Ryan grabbed my hand and we both knew what a phone call after 9 o'clock on a Thursday evening meant...a dream come true?
Don explained that a baby boy was born 2 days earlier, and that he was calling because he thought we might be a match. I can not even describe the feelings that were going through my body. He started to explain details about his birth, birthmom, and birthfather. The situation was certainly not ideal, but with our emotions running high, we agreed to come meet him at the agency. We quickly called my mother-n-law over to stay with Charlie, and we raced up to the agency to possibly meet our son. The car ride was silent, except for my quiet sobs, and we held each others hand as tight as we could. Luckily it is only about a 5 minute drive. When we arrived at the agency we were greeted by our social worker, and the two case managers that work with the birthmothers. We were also greeted by the most precious, sweet, beautiful baby boy. Ryan and I both melted when we saw him, we held him, kissed him, loved on him for a little over an hour while we listened to the scary circumstances he was born into. In our state of shock we asked questions, and voiced concerns, but it seemed like an impossible decision not to adopt this sweet angel. I can not go into the details we learned that night. We have shared some with our family, but even some details only Ryan and I know. We were sent home that evening, at almost 11 o clock to make the hardest decision of our life...by morning. Ryan and I are receptive to a lot of difficult circumstances, we are not going through this adoption process searching for the perfect child, we are seeking the perfect child that is God's will for our family. We know that some of these children do not choose the circumstances they are born into, and just like when women get pregnant they can not choose the health or features of their baby. Our concerns had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that this sweet, innocent baby tested positive for drugs at birth, it had nothing to do with the fact that his mother received no prenatal care. We left the agency with a lot more information that concerned us that night. Information that might put our family's safety in jeopardy. Information that made our decision feel so impossible.
We prayed, and talked, and cried, and prayed, and talked, and cried. I wanted more than anything to be able to go straight to Walmart and stock up on all of our necessities to bring our sweet, precious son home the next day. My mind kept picturing how precious my two boys would be together, and how much Charlie was going to love him. But I knew deep down in my heart, that this wasn't right. It all came down to protecting Charlie, and that sweet boy, and Ryan and I just did not feel like we could risk it. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to either of our babies just because I wanted him. We prayed for God's will, and Ryan and I both knew this was not it.
I was completely HEARTBROKEN. No other words described the way I was feeling. I would have never in a million years thought we would be turning down a placement. How was this happening? I fell in love with that sweet boy, I held him, kissed him, hugged him....his circumstances were not his fault, he deserved a good home...but I knew it was not God's plan for our family. But I wanted it to be! I wanted to try and forget every detail that our social worker shared with us, I wanted to bring our baby boy home. I sat outside most of the night, long after Ryan went to bed and just cried and grieved for my baby that I didn't even know. Before I knew it, the sun was coming up and I was unable to sleep a wink. The time had come to make the most difficult phone call of our life. Ryan and I both called Don on speaker and explained our hearts and our fears and told him that we would not be going through with this placement. I was HEARTBROKEN. My heart ached for me and for Ryan but most of all for that precious baby boy. How could this be happening? I spent all day Friday in a fog. I have had countless failed fertility procedures and even a miscarriage and nothing has come close to the pain I was feeling.
Saturday morning Don called again to check on me, and to tell me that the baby had found a home with adoptive parents who were thrilled to have him. I was relieved and crushed all at the same time. He assured me that we must follow our instincts and that we were making the right decision for our family. But he knows that following God's will, isn't always easy. It was comforting to know that the sweet, precious innocent baby boy had found such a wonderful home. I had prayed that our no, meant somebody elses yes...and somebody elses dreams had come true. I know that he is in the perfect place that he needs to be. But it doesn't make it any easier on my heart.
I know this was a piece of our journey, it was a learning experience, and our first real glimpse into the heartbreak that sometimes comes along with adoption. Although it feels agonizing, I still feel very blessed to be on this journey, and I know that God will make it clear when His perfect timing prevails.
I will close with the same verse I closed with on my last post...
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

HIS Perfect timing

We are now 21 days into our wait....really, only 21 days? Feels SO much longer! I have been struggling a lot lately with our time of waiting. This season of life feels so much different to me compared to all of the other legs of our journey. I was warned this would happen, I was warned that after your home study is completed and life book turned in...that the wait to be matched is the most challenging part. (With the exception of the wait after your child is born and the birthparents sign the termination papers.) While undergoing infertility treatments there is always a short countdown to the next step whether it is going into the office for daily ultrasounds, taking oral meds on certain days, having bloodwork drawn on certain days, giving injections on certain days, taking your temperature, counting ovulation days, recording symptoms, and the list goes on. Generally the last two weeks of each cycle was our longest wait to find out if the treatment was successful, and then the pregnancy tests begin...I had a very unhealthy obsession with pregnancy tests! Lets just say we could have probably paid for our entire adoption with the amount of money I have wasted on pregnancy tests alone! (Don't tell Ryan that!) But with each unsuccessful month, began the cycle of counting and treatments all over again. Then some months my cysts surrounding my ovaries would warrant a break from treatments....those months took forever! With adoption the process has been completely different. The first few months were filled with prayer, adrenaline and excitement as we raced to fill out all of the TONS of forms, questions, meetings, seminar, interviews, safety inspection, fingerprinting, background checks, questions, and more questions, and then the incredibly tedious task of creating the perfect life book of our family, letter to our future birthmother and 21 days ago....we were DONE. Now what? I am longing for our next step.
Our next step is to "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10 It is to remain faithful and trusting and "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs 16:3. It is amazing to watch God at work in my heart during this time of waiting. I truly feel I was called to adoption, I know in my heart that our journey through infertility has made that calling louder and opened doors for us to grow our family the way God has called us to. I feel so blessed to be on this journey. But I have struggled in the area of giving over all control to Him. I have struggled knowing that there is nothing tangible left for me to work on. He has already hand picked the child that will join our family. He knows our perfect plan. I know that I "Trust in the Lord with all of your (my) heart and lean not on your (my) own understanding; in all your (my) ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6 The unknown is scary, but God's love has the power to redeem and restore us into confident hope. His Truth cuts to the core of our struggles, bringing purpose to our pain, redemption from our past and hope for our future!
I pray day and night for our sweet birthmother, I pray for her struggle, I pray for her strength and I pray for God to lead us to her. (Soon!) We have cautiously began to prepare for our baby's arrival. In the corner of our bedroom, I stare at the sweet cradle that has been passed through our family and rocked many sweet babies to sleep. Sometimes it brings me hope and in moments of weakness it makes me feel hopeless.


I thank God each day for Charlie, and I do not take a second for granted. He is our miracle and he brings so much joy and laughter to our lives. Our days are filled with picnics at the park, coloring, shaving cream fun, legos, story time at the library, riding bikes with friends, and soccer. He will be such a great big brother and he ends his prayers each night with "God please bring me a sister soon!" I gently remind him that God will decide, and we might get a sister or a brother....but I dont know if you have ever tried to explain something to a four year old...he thinks he knows it all! Regardless, we will all be so thrilled with our new addition.
This post was written more for me than for anyone, blogging can be therapeutic! I had a moment of weakness tonight (it happens...more frequently than I would like to admit!). All of the sudden this evening, my phone went dead. Not just ran out of battery dead...it would not turn on, even when I plugged it into my charger...DEAD. I panicked! Silly, I know. Ryan told me just to go to the Apple store in the morning (he is the more stable, practical, rock of the family!). I said...but... what if someone tries to contact us??? He looked at me with those eyes, the eyes that say...I love you, but you are crazy-eyes. I continued in my ridiculousness....what if our birthmom tries to contact us? What if she goes into labor? What if we need to get to the hospital? He then gave me the 'you are nuts-eyes' and we both started laughing. He said that he doubted that would happen, and reminded me that we havent even been matched yet! I know...I know...but still. This adoption process is a roller coaster- filled with uncertainty of when, where, how long we will have to prepare. I took a deep breath, and gathered my sanity, and in the meantime was able to fix my phone!
I reminded myself that it's a good thing God is in control. He knows our perfect plan and our baby will come with HIS perfect timing.
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Home Study Approved!

I am thrilled to announce we are finally Home Study APPROVED! I really did not think we would ever get through all of that paperwork, and I thought we would never finish jumping the hurdles to finish up our interviews! But the time has come, I have been working diligently on chasing after everything asked of us, doctor's appointments, tax returns, financial budgets, birth certificates, shot records, employer statements, letters from the insurance company, and the list goes on and on and on. But it was worth it! And our sweet child that is waiting for us is worth it!
Going through this process has brought so much peace and perspective, and certainty that Ryan and I are following the right path. God has a plan far greater than we can see for our family to become complete and we are so lucky to be on this journey.
More than anything, I have felt so strongly to start praying for our birthmother. I find myself praying at random times throughout the day and lying in bed at night praying for her before I go to sleep. I pray for her strength and her courage and I pray for peace in her heart as she makes this incredibly selfless decision for her gift of life. Is it weird that I love her and I am SO grateful to her, and I haven't even met her yet?
So now...we wait. We wait for the phone call or letter or email letting us know we have been matched. I am not that good at waiting! And I feel like I have been waiting for this sweet baby for SO long! But I fully believe God's perfect timing will prevail and when it does happen, I will have long forgotten about this painfully long journey.
Our life book has been turned into our agency for prospective birthfamilies to start viewing. What a difficult task to create a book that sums up our life and our thoughts...a book that will ultimately be the deciding factor to connect us with our child. I pray that our birthmom wherever she may be, will see our hearts poured out on the pages, that she will be able to see the committment we have to family, and will be able to know instantly how much love we have to give.

Below I have posted just small portion of our life book, I have not included any pages with our relatives and friends, for the sake of protecting their privacy. But I did want to post a few pages, just in case somewhere out there our birth mother finds our blog and feels a connection.

Love to all and thank you so much for all of the support and love we have received. I long for the day to share the good news with everyone of Charlie's sweet sibling!

Become a Piece of our Puzzle

I have been researching fundraisers to help offset some of our adoption costs. It feels so foreign to me reaching out for help, but unfortunately, we need help, and our child is worth it! God has put such a strong desire and calling in our heart for adoption, I know we are on His path, and growing our family His way. I was given this awesome fundraiser idea from other adoptive parents.

As many of you know, in the adoption world, it truly takes a village to bring a child home. Financially, emotionally, and spiritually...and we are so blessed and appreciative for all of our support. That is why the puzzle piece fundraiser seemed so ‘fitting’! So many names. So many pieces. All coming together for one goal. One purpose. One Child.


Adoption is a bit like a puzzle....sometimes complicated, lengthy, time consuming, challenging...but, oh so worth it & so rewarding when completed!!!
Would you please consider becoming a piece of our puzzle?

Here are the details for our Puzzle Piece Fundraiser:
• We have created and are having made a very special custom puzzle (pictured below).
• We are asking people to sponsor/adopt a piece of the puzzle...$10.00 per piece.
• Once you have sponsored one (or as many pieces as you would like!)...your name(s) will be put on the back of the puzzle piece.
• Once our puzzle is completed, we will frame the puzzle in double sided glass, and it will hang in the nursery and serve as a constant reminder of all of those who contributed to our journey to bring our precious baby home!
Not only are we raising funds to help us offset the major costs of adoption, but this fundraiser will also result in an incredibly special, tangible keepsake for our child to enjoy for a lifetime. For years to come we will be able to show our sweet child how loved they were before they were even here and how each person was a special piece of their puzzle!
We are so grateful for how God has already provided for us, and are excited to see Him working to bring in the needed funds to bring our baby home! We would like to thank everyone from the bottom of our hearts for your contribution to help make our dreams a reality.

To ‘purchase’ a puzzle piece you can click on the donate button located on the top, left side of our blog, or if you wish to mail a check, please email me for details: ashleyfarrell1213@hotmail.com

I will update the blog frequently with pictures of our puzzle progress!

Our puzzle is pictured below, it includes one of our favorite verses that has brought us comfort through this entire process.

Familiar Feelings

Since we began our adoption journey, I have started following several blogs written by other adoptive parents. It is so inspiring and comforting reading advice, stories, and thoughts from other families that are experiencing the same emotions and situations we are. I have to tell you…it is much more fun reading adoption blogs rather than reading ‘Infertility Forums’ (which I spent years reading)!
Recently, a dear friend of mine recommended a blog to me about a family that I can REALLY relate to…..The husband’s name is Ryan, and they have a precious little boy of their own, and they are currently in the process of adoption! The woman is clearly an amazing, loving, faithful, and God-fearing wife and mother, and her blog has become an inspiration to me.
One of her posts, like so many others, struck a very familiar nerve. It was titled: Expecting. As I read it, my eyes filled with tears, her words were my thoughts completely. She talked about how she is living in a season of life where many of her friends and family are either new moms or expecting. She loves to walk along side of them, rejoice with them and thoroughly enjoys watching their excitement grow (as well as their belly!) Then she discusses the feelings we have as parents waiting to adopt, I have included below my favorite lines from her post:

Well, here we are, expecting again! Only this time, it's different. The gestation period will most likely be closer to that of a zebra. I won't feel him or her kicking in my womb, but I can pray for the woman who is feeling him or her kicking in hers. She may even be feeling him or her as I type! While God is knitting him or her together in another's womb, he or she is being knit in our hearts with love. Oh, how can I love someone so much whom I don't know!?... or who may not even be conceived yet? I can tell you it's possible! Though my belly may not be growing, our love for him or her and excitement certainly is.

One Step Closer

Last night, Ryan and I went to the adoption agency for our intake interview with our social worker. We LOVE him! He is so nice, caring, warm, supportive and we feel so blessed that he will be with us every step of this process. Our interview lasted a little over an hour and we were officially accepted by the agency to move forward!
Now we start the home study...4-6 weeks of loads more paperwork!!! Four more interviews, home inspections, etc. We have been warned that it is intense, invasive, and a process. We are up to the challenge!

Two Popular Questions

I have been overwhelmed with all of the positive support we have received since announcing our plans to adopt. I know that adoption is not for everyone, and I had prepared for some resistance to it. I was pleasantly surprised that I have only received a few negative comments, and the rest have been incredibly positive and supportive! I think some people have fear and questions, which in turn comes across negative. I have been asked over and over the same questions, the two main questions have been 1)‘how long will it take?’ and 2)‘what’s next?’ and I will do my best to answer those questions!
1. How Long? Only God knows how long it will take! Even though there is an urgency to complete every step as quickly as possible, God already has a master plan and our child chosen for us. I keep trying to remind myself of that! But the official answer is it can take anywhere from 3 months to 3 years….12-18 months being the average wait time. It is important to mention that our agency does not pick the adoptive parents, there is not a wait list and we do not move up in order. Birthmothers or birthparents pick adoptive parents. That is why the wait time is such an unknown.
2. What’s Next? Each adoption agency is different. I have talked to several people who feel that choosing the right adoption agency is the most important decision. I researched many different agencies throughout Texas and I have come to the conclusion that we have a pretty incredible agency right here in College Station. In fact, that conclusion was confirmed when we attended our education seminar with nine other couples who had traveled from Dallas, New Braunfels, Houston and other parts of the state to use our agency. Pretty amazing!
This is the typical process of adoption that we will go through with our agency:
• Initial Call For Information, Attend Information Meeting, and Return Fact Sheet
• Register and Attend the 2-day Pre-Application Adoption Seminar
• Complete and return the Adoption Application (20+ pages!)
• Complete 2-hour intake interview with Social Worker
• Receive notification of admission decision, if accepted move forward
• Complete Home Study process, submission of documents, safety inspections, interviews (usually takes 4-6 weeks), then a formal notification of acceptance from the agency
• Submit our completed Life Book (3 page letter to birthmother, scrapbook of our life, pictures, home, several other informational forms included)
• Attend Support Group Meetings
• WAIT…prayerfully and patiently to be chosen!
• Meet birthmother or birthparents and begin relationship
• Notified of birth, follow hospital plan set by birthmom
• After the TPR (terminate parental rights) is signed, we bring our baby home
• Provide monthly written reports to the agency, attend support group meetings, and receive supervisory home visits from the agency
• Arrange court date with attorney for finalization at 6 months!

Of course there are circumstantial differences with each adoption, and anything can happen along the way including the extreme likelihood that the birthmom will change her mind. What most people do not know, and lifetime movies don’t help…is that after the TPR is signed (usually after 48 hours after birth) the birthparents cannot change their minds. Those first initial days is the crucial waiting period. Again, there are different circumstances that change that but we would be here all day if I described each case. The bottom line is we need to be prepared for the birth mother to change her mind, and be actually be surprised if the adoption plan is followed through. It is a risky and emotional process, but God’s plan. We are in no way experts on adoption, and we know it will be a LONG journey, but Ryan and I are confident we are following our chosen path. We have only completed the first three steps and we are waiting for our intake interview. I have had so many incredible resources popping out of the wood work since our announcement. I have had the pleasure of meeting five different couples who have walked this path before, all with different stories and circumstances to share. It is amazing to me how each adoption is unique. I would be lying if I said that I don’t feel periods of anxiousness, or worry…but those feelings are shortly followed with thankfulness and peace. I can’t wait to share our next step.

It's been a while...BIG NEWS!

I know, I admit it...I have completely abandoned my blog. I am sure all 3 of my readers are devastated! Haha!! This past year has been both incredible and difficult. God has blessed our family in so many ways, we have grown, and we have had many triumphs and struggles too. I will try to give a quick re-cap of the past eight months in a nutshell.
Charlie is another year older and continues to make us laugh on a daily basis. He is the joy of our life, growing like a weed, smart as a whip, and is still a mama's boy! Ryan continues to be a wonderful husband, Daddy, and provider for our family. We have not only grown physically, but spiritually too. We have had some incredible relationships form in the past months that have been life changing for us, we met our pastor's and joined our church. Along with that, we have formed new friendships and become involved. It truly is amazing what changes we have made and been through in only a year.
Something I have never openly written about or discussed on my blog is our struggle with infertility. It is just one of those things that I felt was private...and truthfully I just always thought of blogging as an outlet to post pictures, tell HAPPY stories, something that i wouldn't mind strangers reading.But in order for me to fill you in on the next chapter of our life...I have to go back a few pages...
So to make an incredibly long story short, God has put a deep desire in our hearts for more children. We have been actively trying to give Charlie a sibling for the past few years. I have been to a couple of doctors, had a miscarriage, taken 12 cycles of oral meds,one cycle of injectable meds, undergone five different procedures, had about a gazillion ultrasounds, probably donated 5 gallons of blood work, and we have come to the conclusion that God is leading us down a different path. We have cried and prayed together and we feel confident about our next step.
We are thrilled, nervous, excited, scared and proud to announce....we are ADOPTING!
Adoption has always weighed heavy on my heart. Even before I met Ryan, I have always felt a calling to adopt someday. It just seemed like an unreachable dream. Too difficult...too much money...would my husband be open to it? With each difficult procedure or failed cycle of trying, that calling seemed louder...but still out of reach. But I know that God has a plan. I know that our fertility journey was all a part of his plan. It has brought us closer together, closer to HIM, and revealed to us that we were meant to adopt our next child. It has been painful and difficult, and it might sound strange, but I feel blessed we have been chosen to follow this path. Charlie is excited and anxious to be a big brother, and he prays every night for God to bring us his baby!
I decided to start blogging again so that we could document our adoption journey. It will be a good place for friends and family to see what stage we are going through, and provide information without repeating myself over and over! It will also be therapeutic for me to journal my thoughts and fears and excitement.
I want to thank all of our friends and family who have been incredibly supportive these past few years, and who have been by our side through this roller coaster. I feel certain it will all be worth it!

More info and pics to come!