HIS Perfect timing

We are now 21 days into our wait....really, only 21 days? Feels SO much longer! I have been struggling a lot lately with our time of waiting. This season of life feels so much different to me compared to all of the other legs of our journey. I was warned this would happen, I was warned that after your home study is completed and life book turned in...that the wait to be matched is the most challenging part. (With the exception of the wait after your child is born and the birthparents sign the termination papers.) While undergoing infertility treatments there is always a short countdown to the next step whether it is going into the office for daily ultrasounds, taking oral meds on certain days, having bloodwork drawn on certain days, giving injections on certain days, taking your temperature, counting ovulation days, recording symptoms, and the list goes on. Generally the last two weeks of each cycle was our longest wait to find out if the treatment was successful, and then the pregnancy tests begin...I had a very unhealthy obsession with pregnancy tests! Lets just say we could have probably paid for our entire adoption with the amount of money I have wasted on pregnancy tests alone! (Don't tell Ryan that!) But with each unsuccessful month, began the cycle of counting and treatments all over again. Then some months my cysts surrounding my ovaries would warrant a break from treatments....those months took forever! With adoption the process has been completely different. The first few months were filled with prayer, adrenaline and excitement as we raced to fill out all of the TONS of forms, questions, meetings, seminar, interviews, safety inspection, fingerprinting, background checks, questions, and more questions, and then the incredibly tedious task of creating the perfect life book of our family, letter to our future birthmother and 21 days ago....we were DONE. Now what? I am longing for our next step.
Our next step is to "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10 It is to remain faithful and trusting and "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs 16:3. It is amazing to watch God at work in my heart during this time of waiting. I truly feel I was called to adoption, I know in my heart that our journey through infertility has made that calling louder and opened doors for us to grow our family the way God has called us to. I feel so blessed to be on this journey. But I have struggled in the area of giving over all control to Him. I have struggled knowing that there is nothing tangible left for me to work on. He has already hand picked the child that will join our family. He knows our perfect plan. I know that I "Trust in the Lord with all of your (my) heart and lean not on your (my) own understanding; in all your (my) ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6 The unknown is scary, but God's love has the power to redeem and restore us into confident hope. His Truth cuts to the core of our struggles, bringing purpose to our pain, redemption from our past and hope for our future!
I pray day and night for our sweet birthmother, I pray for her struggle, I pray for her strength and I pray for God to lead us to her. (Soon!) We have cautiously began to prepare for our baby's arrival. In the corner of our bedroom, I stare at the sweet cradle that has been passed through our family and rocked many sweet babies to sleep. Sometimes it brings me hope and in moments of weakness it makes me feel hopeless.


I thank God each day for Charlie, and I do not take a second for granted. He is our miracle and he brings so much joy and laughter to our lives. Our days are filled with picnics at the park, coloring, shaving cream fun, legos, story time at the library, riding bikes with friends, and soccer. He will be such a great big brother and he ends his prayers each night with "God please bring me a sister soon!" I gently remind him that God will decide, and we might get a sister or a brother....but I dont know if you have ever tried to explain something to a four year old...he thinks he knows it all! Regardless, we will all be so thrilled with our new addition.
This post was written more for me than for anyone, blogging can be therapeutic! I had a moment of weakness tonight (it happens...more frequently than I would like to admit!). All of the sudden this evening, my phone went dead. Not just ran out of battery dead...it would not turn on, even when I plugged it into my charger...DEAD. I panicked! Silly, I know. Ryan told me just to go to the Apple store in the morning (he is the more stable, practical, rock of the family!). I said...but... what if someone tries to contact us??? He looked at me with those eyes, the eyes that say...I love you, but you are crazy-eyes. I continued in my ridiculousness....what if our birthmom tries to contact us? What if she goes into labor? What if we need to get to the hospital? He then gave me the 'you are nuts-eyes' and we both started laughing. He said that he doubted that would happen, and reminded me that we havent even been matched yet! I know...I know...but still. This adoption process is a roller coaster- filled with uncertainty of when, where, how long we will have to prepare. I took a deep breath, and gathered my sanity, and in the meantime was able to fix my phone!
I reminded myself that it's a good thing God is in control. He knows our perfect plan and our baby will come with HIS perfect timing.
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18